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Agoraphobic Nosebleed – “Altered States of America” 2003

Agoraphobic Nosebleed -“Altered States of America”
LABEL: Relapse Records
YEAR: 2003
GENRE: Grindcore

I don’t know why, but I just felt like writing a track-by-track review of Agoraphobic Nosebleed’s 100 track long “Altered States of America” (and I have promised that I would). If that makes me a psycho, so be it, but it’s only around 20 minutes in total (19:10 on a CD-display, adding the 01:47 of track 00 gives us a total of almost 21 minutes). No rating on this album. I honestly don’t know what I think about it. But here goes!

00 – ”Wonder Drug Wonderland” (01:47)
You might not know this, but a CD-player can’t handle 100 tracks. AgNo puts their first/100th track first, as a hidden track, which is OK even by my standards (I hate hidden tracks and bonus songs). What you do is play track one, and rewind the 1 minute, 47 seconds that is the real opener. It’s not straight-forward to make a CD-rip of this song, but it’s available on YouTube (video below). It’s by far the longest track on this album, taking up almost 10% of the total playing time, so in this company it’s epic! Droningly so, though. It feels more like a closer than an opener. Just check it out:

01 – ”Spreading the Dis-Ease” (00:56)
This is the track that really kick things off. And that with a bang. After a nice 20 second intro you are thrown into a whirlwind of chaotic blasts screaming.
02 – ”Ark of Ecoterrorism” (00:13)
While being blasty as fuck, this song also finds the time to showcase a four second punk/thrashy mid section.
03 – ”Living Lolita Blowjob” (00:12)
A song about sexual abuse of a minor. It’s a really dark story with a massive soundtrack to go with it.
04 – ”Thawing Out” (00:15)
This is more of a classic death metal song. Great guitar tone here, which are nicely audible because the drums doesn’t drown them. “Organ harvest. Go!”
05 – ”The Need for Better Body Armor” (00:09)
The main riff is dystopic and throws a doomy veil over the song before armageddon breaks out and blast us to bite-size chunks.
06 – ”Freeze-Dried Cemetary” (00:20)
The hit song of this album. “Your kids are gonna fry like bacon” is an instant classic text-line.
07 – ”Children Blown to Bits by the Busload” (00:12)
One of the blastier and more chaotic tunes of the bunch. Cool intro and then lift-off!
08 – ”Scoring in Heaven” (00:13)
“In other cultures, death is more artistic. And probably a lot more fun.”
Sung in a ghetto kind of way with more snare hits behind than most drummers use on a whole album.
09 – ”Fuck Your Soccer Jesus” (00:05)
I take it that Randall isn’t a big sports fan. A headbang-friendly anthem about curling parenting (is that a phrase outside Sweden too?) gone wrong.
10 – ”Guided Tour” (00:22)
Asylum-riffage and no drums make this a mini-intermission with a feeling of dark intentions.
11 – ”Honky Dong” (00:08)
This is kind of poetic, but it might be about rape. Unnerving. Wicked, wailing, off-center riffing here.
12 – ”Famous Last Words” (00:18)
The riffing continues on the same path as previous track. A bit jazzy but not coherent enough. Not a favorite.
13 – ”Osaka Milk Bar” (00:17)
This however is a great song. It never kicks off for real though. It’s only a build-up…
14 – ”Drive by Blowjob on a Bicycle” (00:12)
…to this monster! Featuring some of the heaviest guitars on this short album.
15 – ”Ten Pounds of Remains” (00:07)
Nothing special. Just grind.
16 – ”Utter Mental Retardation and Reversal of Man” (00:15)
Woah! Talk about being all over the place. I guess it’s mirrored in the lyrics too.
17 – ”Neotropolis Euphoria” (00:08)
After six minutes of running it’s time for a nice intermission with a classic 40’s melody. Recorded from a raspy record player.
18 – ”Snitch Olympics” (00:16)
You could work as a dentist with all these fills!
19 – ”Crawling out of the Cradle into the Casket” (00:15)
Yet another nice death metal song. As we would say in Swedish: ANb goes from clarity to clarity.
20 – ”Removing Locator Tooth” (00:06)
This is more of a brutal death metal effort. Especially the growling vocals reek of decay.
21 – ”Aum Shinrikyo” (00:04)
Here the albums become a bit noisy for a few tracks, with a phased buzz going back and forth. The lyrics for the first five tracks are just the title of each song.
22 – ”The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” (00:04)
See above.
23 – ”The Tokyo Subway Gassing” (00:04)
See above.
24 – ”The Star of David” (00:04)
See above.
25 – ”Shintaro Ishihara and the Rape of Nanking in World War 2” (00:05)
See above.
26 – ”Mahikari” (00:12)
See above.
27 – ”Micro-Tidal Wave” (00:04)
Sounds like a TV-recording here.
28 – ”Crop Dusting” (00:12)
Evil vocals. Like Darth Vader growling. A bit more synthetic distortion in the background now.
29 – ”LSD as Chemical Weapon” (00:14)
The guys seems to know a lot about LSD…
30 – ”Illegal Manufacture” (00:08)
See above.
31 – ”Drugging the Control Group” (00:10)
See above.
32 – ”Alice in La La Land” (00:04)
See above.
33 – ”Apocalypse as Mescaline Experience” (00:10)
See above.
34 – ”The Artificial Religious Experience” (00:06)
The last of the buzz-tracks. Now, let’s get back to real music!
35 – ”The First Day of Sodom: Pussy Hair Prayer Rug” (00:05)
Many bands make use of trilogies in or of albums. ANb creates a double hexalogy (couldn’t find the word for a series of twelve) of blasticious, perverted mayhem. Feast upon the lyrics of these crazies (copied from – not proofread):
“Trading pussy heaven up for Immaculate Conception.”
36 – ”The Second Day of Sodom: Distortion in Eden” (00:04)
“Ass of man tempts Eve.”
37 – ”The Third Day of Sodom: Serpent of the Gay Pride Rainbow” (00:04)
“Eve grows huge dick and fucks snake.”
38 – ”The Fourth Day of Sodom: Snaking Adam’s Black Apple” (00:04)
“Snake coils around a piece of shit stuck in the colon of an old roman.”
39 – ”The Fifth Day of Sodom: Like a Cretin on Christmas Eve” (00:04)
“Blackbeard the Santa tosses the old roman a Greek salad.”
40 – ”The Sixth Day of Sodom: Boston Hardcore Caligula” (00:05)
“Ass jocks suck off Boston hardcore.”
41 – ”The Seventh Day of Sodom: Fantasizing Hydrahead” (00:07)
“Boston hardcore closes its unsigned eyes and pretends it’s Aaron and Mark sucking their fucking dicks.”
42 – ”The Eighth Day of Sodom: Lamb of the Rotisserie God” (00:04)
“Sodomite warms the ass of cooked lamb.”
43 – ”The Ninth Day of Sodom: Holiday Bowl Full of Asshole” (00:04)
“Lamb chop placed across the ass crack of the sweet Virgin Mary.”
44 – ”The Tenth Day of Sodom: Enter the House of Feasting” (00:05)
“Banquet in the honor of sweet Mary mother of god’s garnered virgin rump.”
45 – ”The Eleventh Day of Sodom: Passing Blunts and Cunts at Relapse” (00:05)
“We all take a turn, Matt Jacobson blows a peanut.”
46 – ”The Twelfth Day of Sodom: When Taking a Shit Feels Sexy” (00:07)
“Immaculate defecation. Covered in semen the blue-eyed demon Jesus is born from the cunt of a gay whore.”
47 – ”Poland Springfield Acidbag” (00:19)
Rhythmic and groovy. Kind of regular core.
48 – ”Rectal Thermometer” (00:11)
You expect this track to evolve into a real smacker, but unfortunately it’s cut short. Could have been the intro to a nice Amon Amarth-crusher. Except for the talking. It continues for the next three tracks.
49 – ”Lemonade and a Snickers Bar” (00:05)
See above, -1.
50 – ”Necro-Cannibalistic Tendencies in Young Children” (00:08)
See above.
51 – ”Bombs With Butterfly Wings” (00:09)
See above.
52 – ”Watching a Clown Point a Gun at a Small Dog (Reprise)” (00:16)
Droneificus Doomalteram. I don’t know where “Reprise” comes from, and I also don’t care. A really atmospheric track that works to play on repeat.
53 – ”Mosquito Holding Human Cattle Prod” (00:24)
A heavy, groovy bit sounding a lot like Machine Head and Fear Factory.
54 – ”For Just Ten Cents a Day…” (00:25)
Euro-thrash with some blast. One of the best real songs on the album.
55 – ”Mental Change(s): Altered Consciousness” (00:06)
Shit hits the famous fan for four tracks.
56 – ”Radical Modernism” (00:04)
Hehe. This is actually Swedish melodic death metal with ass-cramping vocals on top…
57 – ”Human Enhancement” (00:04)
…which turns into a blastier version of itself.
58 – ”Juxtaposed Impacts” (00:04)
See track 56.
59 – ”Unprecedented Experiment” (00:38)
Old-school Swedish death metal with some screaming. Sounds like an intro to any Swedish DM song from 1993.
60 – ”Transparent Enclosure” (00:09)
Not unlike track 57. Nice riffing and rhythm.
61 – ”Bong Hit Wonder” (00:08)
Could have been a Red Alert soundtrack song. I’m thinking of “Hellmarch”.
62 – ”Opening to Personals Ad by Richard Johnson” (00:14)
Metalcore. Wailing guitar intro, blast, breakdown, groove, blast. Easy enough, but oh so well executed.
63 – ”Relapse Refusing U.N. Weapons Inspectors” (00:09)
One of the most “true” grindcore tracks on this album, which makes it another one of the best songs on the album. At the same time, it could also have been on any other grindcore record.
64 – ”Neural Linguistic Programming” (00:12)
One could wish that they would have continued on the waltzy intro instead of Beastie Boys-ing it up.
65 – ”The Fag vs. The Indian” (00:05)
Again, we are served a soundtrack over static. This time for eight tracks.
“Fuckin’ fag. Kill ’em, kill the fuckin’ Indian.”
66 – ”Black Metal Transvestite” (00:18)
“Black metal is gay as a Catholic priest slouching toward Gomorrah. Face painted like Gene Simmons at Halloween with a tongue up some kids rump looking for candy. Put down that seven string and get a fuckin’ job you tired-looking homo, Goth hand-banging geek.”
67 – ”Debbie Does Dishes” (00:04)
“Don’t think, you’re a fuckin’ idiot.”
68 – ”Marine Pornography (For Whale Cock Skateboards)” (00:18)
“Losing my domestication, like a tab in the ocean. I hump like a fuckin’ whale and piss wherever I want. Thar’ she blows from my fuckin’ dick hole, rolling down a rubber as old as the Dead Sea scrolls. Mermaid with AIDS call in the fuckin’ fleet, chicken cunt in a sea of fresh white meat.”
69 – ”Keeping a Clean Kennel” (00:04)
“If your ass is in this house it’s my ass.”
70 – ”Baby Mill Pt. 1 (Born and Sold into Child Slavery)” (00:07)
“Black and Hispanic newborns for as low as a thousand dollars. All shots- spayed and neutered.”
71 – ”Firearms for All Faiths” (00:12)
“We have psychedelic shotguns, mystical weapons for Hindus, Buddhists, Jews and Christians.”
72 – ”Domestic Solution” (00:04)
The static is tuning out on this track. It really feels like we’re getting back on track.
“Kick the shit out of you.”
73 – ”Definition of Death” (00:39)
Another long song. Kind of boring, unfortunately. A take on death metal and hardcore that doesn’t really go all the way.
74 – ”Discolored” (00:10)
Beastie Boys again. For real this time. Not really worth ten seconds.
75 – ”Scott Hulk on Intramuscular Steroids” (00:09)
Hell yeah! Here is one heavy rocker with some groove! An instrumental, though, which feels kinda weird.
76 – ”4 Leeches (40,000 Leeches)” (00:55)
This is a “hit the clubs” type disco-metal/hardcore which probably wouldn’t be too hard on the ears even for a fan of Natalie Imbruglia.
77 – ”Group Taking Acid as Considered Conspiracy Against the Government” (00:06)
Six seconds of worthlessness.
78 – ”Small Room and a Six-Pack” (00:06)
Six seconds of wonderful blasting aggressiveness!
79 – ”Deviant Arousal” (00:06)
A wonderful death metal riff that drowns in a swarm of drum blasts.
80 – ”Unbound by Civilized Properties” (00:08)
Has a classic grindcore feel to it. Albeit with over-the-top blasting.
81 – ”They All Burned!” (00:12)
Like the previous track, but with more groove/less blasting.
82 – ”Shotgun Funeral” (00:04)
Again, one of the best songs on this album!
83 – ”Homophobic Assbleed” (00:05)
In the same vein as the previous track. Modern, brutal. Buzzing guitars deluxe.
84 – ”Exacting Revenge on Pets” (00:08)
Hells yes! Even though four seconds might be the perfect length for a song, this track doesn’t bore.
85 – ”Baby Mill Pt. 2 (White Russian)” (00:07)
Again with that manic distorted voice. Misplaced the lyrics and don’t know what the hell he’s talking about.
86 – ”Narcoterrorist Megalomaniac” (00:25)
Grind’n’roll? Yes, that’s fitting.
87 – ”Releasing a Dove from a Ghetto Rooftop” (00:08)
This song consists of four parts. Equally interesting, but not a top shelf product.
88 – ”Bipartisan Buttfuck” (00:14)
This song live would kick ass! Distorted vocals, but in a positive sense.
89 – ”Bent Over the Cross” (00:25)
A bit difficult groove. Seems kind of anti-religious. Can that be right?
“This is the semen of your salvation, bent over the fuckin’ cross.”
90 – ”A Chance at Reprisal” (00:15)
Woah! Someone is angry. Is this from a movie?
91 – ”Altered Ego” (00:17)
Spooky. A droning thing in the vein of an asylum horror movie.
92 – ”Pin the Tail on the Donkey” (00:21)
And the droning continues. The dialogue really must come from a movie.
93 – ”Latter Day Mormon Ritual” (00:18)
Still more droning.
“They will slit the throat of a goat and slit it’s bowels open. And you will either have sex with a crucified young girl on a cross or a half rotted corpse.”
94 – ”5 Band Genetic Equalizer, Pt. 3” (00:21)
Really groovy. Not really metal, I’d say, and since I only listen to metal I don’t really know what to compare the music to.
95 – ”Absurd Boast” (00:10)
Psychedelic hardcore? Really freaky. And look at the lyrics: “I was getting my cock sucked when the plane collided into the second tower. She spit my nut up and wiped her mouth with the American flag.”
96 – ”Burning Social Interest” (00:11)
Non-psychedelic hardcore. Nothing special, but’s these standard (non-crazed) tracks are really needed.
97 – ”Whore Torn Vet” (00:10)
The guitars are riffing, but I don’t know what’s happening around them.
98 – ”Obi Wan Kaczynski” (00:12)
Again with psychedelia. The bass is amazing on this one!
99 – ”Placing a Personal Memo on the Boss’s Desk” (00:13)
Wow! We’re at the end! Already! Well, fuck me for having to listen to every track about ten times each (at least!) to be able to write anything about them. About the closer then? Well, Great bass here too, the rest is just… Nothing to care about.

Review by: MJ

Categorised as: MJ | Reviews


  1. Walter Navarro says:

    Man, that must have been grueling. Made me wanna give the album another spin, anyway. Thumbs up!

  2. Christofer says:

    He he. Thumbs up for this. :)

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